My Mother's Day thoughts 2014

Mother's Day 2014

I am  a mother of four children which on the surface seems like I am winning.
I was a single mother for more then 5 years of a now grown baby who is thriving and living a life that I am delighted to celebrate. She is resilient and thoughtful and artistic and shining.
I am the mother of my babies that came from somebody else's womb... And grateful and share  their successes and deficits with them in spirit
And I am the mother  of a
(surprise) 5 year old baby girl... Who has the warmest heart I have ever known..she has the bluest eyes and sees good in all people. But I'm an older mother for her...
I was a pre- mother to miss-carried  "pre-babies" , and embryos.. and pray for a baby boy I don't parent.
I am a mother of a boy who lacks complete bonding ability... Who has been a constant challenge... Who is has a bunch of axis I and axis ii's and is mentally Ill and might be forever...
I am a mother of a boy who is bright and sporty and kind, who has a cast on his arm... Can't swim or play the way he wants.
I am a mother who thought that I would rock motherhood...
Only to deteriorate under the pressure of Mother's Day. only thinking that of course I would get a card that would be different than the last card not the same exact one From Walmart from 2 years ago. I hate that I choke back tears through the "five-star" restaurant for Mother's Day.
I know that "every day is Mother's Day"
Thank you I know,I know, I know I recognize Too...my strength and my courage and my resilience.,it's just that sometimes ... I don't see it and...
I'm tired and weary and worried... I have 4 gorgeous children who have wonderful manners and I wanted more then I can explain. Still... I live in fear, the fear of the unknown...fear that you trust me and believe in me and I host fear Of maternal failure.. Fear Of Knowing that can't do it all in spite of the fact that you know I can and you believe in me.

Oscars 2014

This years Oscar picks…2014
American Hustle--- entertaining and fun... Cool story, good acting
Captain Phillips-- saw twice in theater very good, thrilling, amazing believable acting
Dallas Buyers Club. Wonderful acting! Compelling lovely performance by Jared Lehto. Best supporting actor for sure. 
Gravity- I was sea sick. Did not get the hype
Her--- somewhat disturbing peak into narcism in the new age
Nebraska- amazing filmmaking- I watched it while feeling too tired . Soooo, need to see again
Philomena- fantastic acting from  Judy Dench- small film with heart wrenching results. Not sure it should be in top of the list.
12 Years a Slave- Will probably win best picture. An epic story This movie stuck with me. 
The Wolff of Wall Street -A long movie with the beautiful Leonardo  DiCaprio  acting his ass off. Jonah Hill gives his best performance to date. I think Johna hills performance should get him in second place for  best supporting actor. 

(Snubs... Inside Llewen Davis, fruitville station, spring breakers, all is lost, osage County, And Speed, Blue Jasmine,  were all reallllllly good and for several reasons were not the forefront of the Oscars pick this year but all really interesting and intriguing movies for very different reasons.
Call me crazy but I liked Romeo and Juliet. Romeo was so hot. 
I also liked the Loan survived. 
This summer the movie "this is the end" came out I thought it was hysterical! I also liked Ron Burgundy and will see the second cut this week those guys are crazy. You have to be really smart to be that stupid. 
I also liked "the way way back"
I walked out of Las Vegas, I hated the movie "thanks for sharing"--- see Don Jon instead if your are looking for that theme.
Enders game was mediocre, I also saw " end of earth" that was a mess!