Mother's Day 2014
I am a mother of four children which on the surface seems like I am winning.
I was a single mother for more then 5 years of a now grown baby who is thriving and living a life that I am delighted to celebrate. She is resilient and thoughtful and artistic and shining.
I am the mother of my babies that came from somebody else's womb... And grateful and share their successes and deficits with them in spirit
And I am the mother of a
(surprise) 5 year old baby girl... Who has the warmest heart I have ever known..she has the bluest eyes and sees good in all people. But I'm an older mother for her...
I was a pre- mother to miss-carried "pre-babies" , and embryos.. and pray for a baby boy I don't parent.
I am a mother of a boy who lacks complete bonding ability... Who has been a constant challenge... Who is has a bunch of axis I and axis ii's and is mentally Ill and might be forever...
I am a mother of a boy who is bright and sporty and kind, who has a cast on his arm... Can't swim or play the way he wants.
I am a mother who thought that I would rock motherhood...
Only to deteriorate under the pressure of Mother's Day. only thinking that of course I would get a card that would be different than the last card not the same exact one From Walmart from 2 years ago. I hate that I choke back tears through the "five-star" restaurant for Mother's Day.
I know that "every day is Mother's Day"
Thank you I know,I know, I know I recognize Too...my strength and my courage and my resilience.,it's just that sometimes ... I don't see it and...
I'm tired and weary and worried... I have 4 gorgeous children who have wonderful manners and I wanted more then I can explain. Still... I live in fear, the fear of the unknown...fear that you trust me and believe in me and I host fear Of maternal failure.. Fear Of Knowing that can't do it all in spite of the fact that you know I can and you believe in me.
